Keeping Up With The Introvert

During this holiday season, when we visit with friends and family, I want to provide a glimpse into the brain of that introvert who isn't quite in sync (or in the pictures) with everyone else.  I can't speak for all introverts, of course, but before assuming you're being ignored or slighted, consider this:

When they don't initiate contact ...
The introvert is probably startled and even overwhelmed by the number of friends you have.  They don't want to "bug" you, and can't help feeling that they are, even if they intellectually know better.  Since they are just one of many friends, they don't want to hog your time.  This goes especially for a time of year traditionally reserved for family.  They may also feel like they need to come up with something clever or interesting to do on an outing.

On a personal note, I hate phone calls.  Calling someone I don't know, even a company or sales department, is a source of anxiety, and I will do anything I can to avoid it ... but even speaking to a friend is difficult.  Because I can't see you and "feel you out," pauses or silences feel insurmountable.  I put up with it because I want to talk to you, but I would much rather meet face to face.

When they're "too tired" ...
They're not blowing you off.  Introverts need energy for social interaction.  If they're worn out or depressed, nine times out of ten, they genuinely need to be alone.  That tenth time, though, they will drag themselves out and be glad they did.
 
When they don't ask about your problems ...
The introvert is trying to give you the thing they often value the most:  space and privacy.  They show concern for you by not prying, by not forcing you to discuss something you may not want to share.  They may ask open-ended questions, tiptoeing around the issue - this is an invitation.

When they don't talk about their lives ...
The introvert instinctively feels that their life is boring.  Who wants to hear about that - especially when there are problems?  They don't place value on exchange of personal information as a measure of closeness.  Again, they recognize that they're one of many friends you have.  They don't want to burden you.

And that Christmas card ...
Don't expect a gushy note, but if you got a Christmas card from an introvert, you are one of an extremely select group.  And since the introvert didn't use their own words, they probably took care with the card they did select.

However ...
The introvert (specifically, this introvert) wishes you all the warmth of the holidays, whoever you share it with.