Monday Meanderings

I'm currently thinking ahead for Unnatural Causes and coming to the realization that I need beta readers.  I've been asking my writer friends for some tips and advice in that department, but there's one barrier:

Critiques dial my nerves up to eleven.  I also mentioned this on my writer forum some months ago, and a lot of people were bewildered.  They were surprised I still got nerves despite how long I'd been writing; despite the fact that I typically got positive comments on my stories; despite the fact that this group is wonderful for writing tactful, thoughtful critiques.

... none of which really moves the needle on my stress levels.

Why?  It's not because I'm super sensitive:  I want to know what's wrong, not be cossetted into a false sense of security.  I have a good strategy for analyzing critiques and deciding how to apply them.  I don't knee-jerk reject advice or get angry at the people providing it.

No, the person I get angry with is myself.

I am a perfectionist.  When something I've written has flaws, my first reaction is depression.  I tear myself up for being a subpar writer, and how could I not have seen that?  My second reaction is a frantic flurry to Fix It All NOW.  (This plays into that whole strategy above, too:  I've had to force myself not to act on certain advice until I see what other readers think or I've mulled over the best way to make a correction.)  It needs to be flawless, and here's where my tendency to incubate and backburner whirls about and bites me in the butt:  I can't stop worrying at it until I've fixed it.

Also where having a smartphone is more trouble than it's worth:  I can and do get my email at work, where I obviously can't do any editing because I usually am elbow deep in pasta or some such.

The only solution to this, really, is to be gentle with myself.  That, goodness knows, is an ongoing process, and broader than writing alone.